Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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