I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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