You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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