Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
