When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
