We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
