It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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