So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
