We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
