dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Congratulations! We have a period
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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