Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
