I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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