Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
