woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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