Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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