I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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