We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think a kid would responsible me up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
