You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
