If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
