I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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