we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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