So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
