on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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