woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
