Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
