It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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