I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
