Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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