He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
