He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
