Soap is not a condiment
Banned from zoo.
Again?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
