i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
