bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
