I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
