I bet he comes in French.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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