I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
