he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
