You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Screwed.edu
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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