just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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