i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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