WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
