I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
