my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just found puke in my bra..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
