the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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