i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
