She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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