even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
