that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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