never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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