I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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