We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
