dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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